Summer

“There’s no use in talking to people who have home. They have no idea what it’s like to seek safety in other people – for home to be wherever you lay your head.” -Lana Del Ray

This is the first summer where I won’t have to worry about where I am going to be sleeping. I don’t have to worry about if I can afford a dollar to get something to eat. I don’t have to worry where to park the car in order to get some sleep so I don’t get a fine. That was my first summer of moving to Colorado. Sitting in the car sweating from the heat, not knowing where I was going to end up the next night.

I also don’t have to worry about coming home to dealing with drug dealers. I don’t have to worry if the roommate is stealing my stuff while I am at work. I don’t have to worry if my food has been gone through. I don’t have to worry if the cops will be at my house the next morning from my roommate overdosing and growing drugs in the backyard. That was my second summer here in Colorado. (Last year).

This summer is going to be different because I am making it different. I have an apartment. I have a roof over my head. I can buy my own food. I don’t have to worry about drugs or if anyone going through my things. Granted I don’t have a car right now or any furniture. Baby steps though, I am at least making progress.

I feel like this summer will make a big difference in my life. In June, my best friend from Chicago is coming to visit for a few days. I haven’t seen her since last year when I was able to scrape enough money together to go be in her wedding. It was a bittersweet moment being back in Chicago. I half grew up in Chicago with my yearly visits to my Dad’s house. I didn’t contact my dad while I was there. Though I did reach out to two members of my step mom’s family because I was close to them. I wish I could have visited my half sister and brother. Though they are still to young to understand why my Dad & I had a falling out. I hope one day they will understand and still want to be a part of my life. My dad has every opportunity to reach out to me at any time but of course not.

In July, I am going back home to Maryland to visit my best friend. I am super excited to be spending a whole week with her. I feel like going back to Maryland will be another bittersweet moment. I promised myself I would never be going back to that place but since it’s where my best friend lives than I will make that sacrifice. If only my grandma was still around, she would be the only other person I would want to see. I kind of hope I run into some family while I am there just to give them a big shock specially since I received threatening emails from them when I first moved to Colorado. They told me to never come back and for laughs I would love to see there faces. But we shall see how that goes.

This summer will be different. I am ready for a good summer.