Fight For It

Just a thought:

Why do people always give up fighting for one another? Nobody fights for anyone anymore. Nobody is willing to work on things. Nobody is willing to say, you know what this is going to be really hard but I’m not giving up because I want you. We don’t fight for people but yet we question why we are alone at the end of the day. Whether it be in a relationship or friendship. People give up to easily on each other.

Why is giving up such an easier option. Why is walking out of someone’s life better then trying?

I guess since people have been giving up on me my whole life, I don’t see that as an option. I see a challenge and I face it. I see a difficulty in a relationship or friendship and I fight for it. I just don’t want to be the only one who fights for it.

 

fight

 

 

Little Things

It’s amazing to think this time last year, I was about to leave the druggie house I lived at and would become homeless for the next month an a half. I really struggled this time last year. Between working two jobs, 7 days a week. Sleeping in and out of the car with my dog. Wondering if it was going to be a cold night and hanging out in McDonald’s till it closed just to scrape enough money together to get a drink and change my clothes.

Now, I just signed another year lease on my apartment. I am finally getting furniture in. I have a bedroom that is starting to come together. I just bought a couch and recliner. Now my mom doesn’t have to sleep on a blow up bed. Things are starting to come together. I also just recently got a car. Not new but new to me. It feels good to be buying permanent things. It feels good to be finally putting some roots in here. In Colorado in general. I’ve never really been given that chance since moving here. It has all been a roller coaster of not having a place to live and struggling.

Don’t get me wrong, these past couple of months I’ve hit some bumps. But no matter who has decided not to stick by my side through this journey. I’ll be okay. I’ve been through to much to let anyone try to hold me back from doing what I need to do. I’ve literally lost everything and picked myself up from nothing.

Now it really makes you appreciate the little things. Buying a couch might not be a big deal to most. But when you literally had nothing, it was exciting. Exciting to buy something permanent.

I hope from here on out, I’ll be able to buy more permanent things. I am looking forward to putting more roots in here. I feel like I am now in the position between my job life, that I can make that happen. I really hope I don’t jinx myself for this but I’ve been struggling for so long that it finally feels good to not be for once.

Maryland 2015

I traveled back to Maryland for a whole week to hang out with my best friend beginning of July. It was 2 years since I moved from Maryland to Colorado. I was super excited to see my best friend and visit the beach. I love living in Colorado but the closes thing you get to water, is a big lake. Every summer, I would spend a week at the beach so not having that for 2 years straight had me longing for it.

I must say being back in Maryland was very weird. Aside from being flooded with memories growing up there, just very weird. When I moved from Maryland, I told myself that I would never be back. So being back there just made me realize how far I’ve come as a person. I am such a different person now from how I was back then. I am so much more healthier mentally now from back then.

Seeing my best friend was an absolute blast. Many people asked me since I haven’t seen her in 2 years would it be different and I knew it wasn’t going to be. We picked up right where we left off and I love that about good friendships. You don’t need to see the person every day to know how strong your friendship is. I know Lisa will continue to be my best friend regardless if we are in the same state or not.

While on my trip, we ate at a ton of my favorite places that I no longer get to experience, drink pretty much everyday, watch movies, go to the beach, go swimming. It was so nice to be able to relax and not worry about work. I was debating on whether to see my grandfather or not while I was there. But I did. It was incredible hard to be in that house and not see my grandma. For those of you who don’t know, my grandma lost her battle with Lung Cancer and passed away February 9th, 2015. I really want to dedicate and talk more about my grandma on another post but being at that house. I felt like I had to hold back everything not to break down in front of my grandfather. He was the only family I did see while out there and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have no desire to see the other family that ruined the last couple of years for me there.

Overall it was a great visit. I do plan on visiting my best friend again next summer and like I told my grandfather as I was saying goodbye to him, that I do plan on being back. It was a good experience and a good feeling to realize I have come a long way despite the fact that I have struggled so much to be where I am.

Striving For The Rainbow

I’m always super positive or at least I try to be. I always try to keep in mind that things will get better. I look up positive quotes and try to have that mind set.

But if you can’t tell lately, I’m struggling to keep that positivity going. So I’m just going to vent a little here.

Life sucks. I mean usually life gets rough but things get better. But Jeesh when is mine going to get better? Normal people usually see a rainbow after so long. I feel like since turning 21 after my health accident happened, I’ve been struggling and waiting for life to get better.

Or there is that saying that “If you want a good life, you need to work for it” Trust me I’ve been working for it. Every day I work for it. Every day I strive to see my rainbow. 

So my question to life is, when’s it my turn? Can I just get a simple break from all the struggling? Sometimes becoming a strong person from all of this really isn’t enough to get through it.

I’ll try to be more positive next time. 

How Ironic

Do we ever truly get what we want in life? 

I mean how ironic is it that you find the most perfect guy for you but he doesn’t know you exist and hasn’t spoke to you in so long. And I miss it.

Therefore you are stuck finding or “trying” to at least find someone who compares on some silly dating website with guys who only care about is sex or just plain weird.

Ugh. Does it ever get better? Is it ever like the movies? I’m so over these pointless websites of finding the “perfect match”. Truth, is if I was skinny enough or good enough then maybe it would be like the movies. 

Please don’t say, “You’ll find him, the perfect guy will come along” or “Your perfect the way you are, any guy who doesn’t see that isn’t worth it”

Those lines mean nothing since nobody has been able to prove it.

I guess I’ll just be stuck with my cats watching movies filled with hopeless lies of what it’s really suppose to be like.

End rant. 

Help Me Succeed

So if you have been following my blog you would have read a couple of posts ago that I no longer have a car. The car that I called home more times then one from being homeless, I no longer have. I have however been trying to save money to get a used one. That is all that I can really afford. I don’t have the greatest credit from when I was younger and I don’t have a co-signer. My mom doesn’t have the greatest credit either. The only person that would consider co-signing for me would have been my  grandma but she is no longer here. I did try to go to one of those used car places where they finance you the only problem was they needed a high deposit in order to get a decent car with 200 dollar monthly payments. I try to catch rides here and there from friends but I usually spot them gas money. I do take the bus now to and from work. What was once a fifteen minute ride to work now takes me two hours if I am lucky or if I don’t miss it.

So I have decided I’ll just stick to Craigslist, the only problem is finding anything reliable in my budget seems like it would break down in seconds. I am trying to work as much as I can and we all know how my overtime worked out for me.. Anyways, I hear of all these stories of “Gofundme” and how they work for others. So tonight I made one. I am not asking for much and I will not be promoting it on facebook for I have people I work with on there. But I am asking if any of my followers are able to share.

Anything helps. Remember to always have hope.

Help Me Succeed

I Didn’t Ask For This

Sexual Harassment- Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature. Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex.

  • Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.
  • The harasser can be the victim’s supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.

According to Aware.org:

Sexual Harassment is common in the Workplace

  • 54% (272) had experienced some form of workplace sexual harassment.
  • 27% of the 272 respondents experienced harassment by their colleague, while 17% were harassed by their superior.
  • 79% of the victims are women; 21% were men.

I never really realized how powerful someone’s words could physically violate you until you personally experience it. Work to me is suppose to be a safe place, where a team comes together to succeed challenges. You all grow and learn together. You shouldn’t have to worry if the person you work with is thinking of causing you harm or wants to physically violate you in anyway.

Wednesday, Thursday, & Friday were my over nights at work. I wanted overtime specially since I am trying to buy a car. My work was getting the first floor of the building’s carpet replaced. So they hired a company to come out and replace the carpet after store hours. It was just me working and the carpet company alone in the building late at night. Friday night is when the incident occurred. The supervisor of the carpet company much older and bigger than I was, cornered me in a stock room and blocked my exit. He made inappropriate and vulgar comments. Basically propositioning me. I pushed passed the exit and when I didn’t respond to how he wanted. He was begging for me not to say anything. To not speak out. That He could lose his job. To not escalate the situation, I agreed. I should have called my manager when I returned to my office. But I didn’t want to lose the hours and I thought I could handle it. At first I wasn’t going to tell until my best friend and mom convinced me otherwise. What happens if he was going to do that to someone else? What if the next girl didn’t push passed him in that stockroom. I didn’t ask for what he did to me. I didn’t hint or make suggestions. I was professional in my job. Now his comments and words haunt me. I didn’t ask to be sexual harassed. My biggest fear of telling was, he would know I told. He knows where I work. What if he were to come back. So many questions filled my head. The next day I went in and immediately told my manager luckily my distract manager as well as my managers boss were all there. I have a meeting with HR this week. I wrote a statement. I am not pressing legal charges but my work and all my managers have my back 100%.  They are going to make sure that his guy will never set foot into another store of ours again.

If you are a victim of sexual abuse or harassment by anyone. It is important to speak out. There are ways and resources to help. No one should be made to feel a victim in or out of the workplace.